Money Solves a Lot of Problems

In my online network there was a discussion between several women who are home-based business owners and it all centered around the fact that they are struggling financially and have been for a number of years.  This was my reply:

I’m just going to say it simply:  money solves a lot of problems.  Not all of ‘em.  But a lot.  I’ve met a lot of women who work very hard on businesses that don’t earn them much if anything.  They do everything right, have great skills – but they just don’t want to market and sell – which is when money is made. It’s the moment, the instant when what you’re doing is transformed from a demanding hobby into a business.  And yet they turn away from it when they are on the brink of success. 

The $64,00 question is, “Why do women do this?”

The more money you make – the more choices you have in life.  I’ve been saying this for years and it seems many women have an attachment to striving and struggling and not making much (or any) money in our own businesses or careers.  Many women won’t let themselves make a single dollar beyond their comfort zone.  It’s like their driving down the freeway with one foot on the accelerator and the other on the brakes at the same time.  Ouch!  Part of it has to do with the kind of work we choose (If you sell merchandise at a retail store ostensibly you make a lot less money than if you sell jet airplanes.) and part of it has to do with a subconscious decision to “stay small.”

It is because many, many women believe that if they are successful and do very well financially they will end up alone.  I didn’t dream this up – I’ve read it from numerous psychologists and marriage-family therapists.  Really puts us in a Catch-22 doesn’t it?  Many women have a belief running them that if she’s successful – she’ll get exactly what she doesn’t want.  Loneliness.  Because she will be rejected for being too self-sufficient and successful.

Money solves a lot of problems.

I’ve mentored women who had this attachment to staying small and making almost no money and when it really came down to it they were harboring secret, little ugly feelings that, “If I REALLY made the money I want – why the heck would I stay with my husband – that jerk?”  What really was at the core of their need to stay broke was that they were terrified of leaving a man who no longer met their needs.  They didn’t want to leave also because of the kids.  Their lack of money insured that they couldn’t ever even consider that choice. 

Money solves a lot of problems. 

What I suggest to women in this sticky wicket is that they consider the possibility that if they do make a lot of money  – they will take a lot of financial stress out of their marriages.  Just that alone might be enough to make him the more kind, loving guy he was on their wedding day.  I’ve had the entire financial burden on me in the past – and the stress did not make me a very nice person.  Men can’t love that pressure and yet most of them take it on with nary a complaint.  If you DO crack the code and do well financially you have lots more choices – you can go on a vacation with just mom and dad and reconnect and fall in love again, you can go for counseling, you can go on a date every week – whatever.  Making good money doesn’t mean that you will be less loved.  It doesn’t necessarily mean that he will be threatened.  Who knows – he might be thrilled!

I married not to long ago purely for love.  I was 48.  He was 60.  It was not our first rodeo – for either of us.  I married a man who’s been there for me through thick and thin.  When we met I was so broke I couldn’t even pay attention.  He had a pretty good job.  I was struggling.  Gradually things shifted.  When I made piles of money – I got to discover he’s the same great guy no matter what.  But I had to take the chance and become successful to find that out.

All the best,

Denise Michaels
Author, “Testosterone-Free Marketing”  

PS:  Visit me online at http://www.MentoringwithDenise.com